Bayanihan

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35)
 
It seemed as if Edison and I were fighting something new each week. By Week 4, it was vomiting spells! It was particularly frustrating for me, as I tried so hard to stick to the routine that I've set up for him beginning on Week 3. I was so proud of the progress that we've made: I've finally come to terms with us using the feeding tube four weeks earlier than anticipated. As long as we were able to maintain his schedule - Edison taking 8 cans of formula - then he'd be able to maintain his weight.

But just like everything else since we'd started the battle, we were yet again taken into a surprise minefield. The very first time he had to run to the sink and vomited what seemed like 2 whole cans of formula, I just about crumpled to the ground. For breastfeeding mothers, it's the equivalent of you watching 16 ounces of your precious breast milk that you've worked so hard to pump, accidentally getting knocked all over the kitchen floor! Just horrifying!

Watching Edison's suffering through Weeks 4 and 5 never got easier to bear. With a new strain of cold/cough, his gag reflex working against him when he uses the "magic mouthwash," and chemo side effects finally catching up to him, the vomiting spells just kept coming! You would think that after a while, I'd be able to tune out his helpless heaving. No. In a way, we really were in the same boat: he, having no control over his body, and I, wanting to do anything to make him feel better, but ending up feeling helpless just the same. "One day at a time," I would whisper to him often when days seemed to drag on longer, and the end was nowhere near in sight.

By the end of Week 5, Edison only had one more chemo session and 13 radiation sessions left. With our friends coming over that weekend, it truly felt like a 7th inning stretch! Almost there!!!

And when it rains, it pours... Since then, more blessings were showered upon us! Russell, my younger brother, who lives in Seattle, created, in support of Edison, a gofundme account, which generated a whole new set of well wishers - and from all over the world! It has definitely boosted Edison's morale!

Kuya Edsel, Edison's older brother, is also planning a local fundraiser in a couple of months. We are just truly overwhelmed by all this love! I am in awe with deep gratitude that even though we live far away from one another, we still have the spirit of bayanihan within us. ("Bayanihan" refers to the spirit of communal unity, work and cooperation to achieve a particular goal. - The Bayanihan Spirit)

We will forever be indebted to your love and kindness. Maraming salamat po! (Thank you very much!)#TeamThrive

Treatment Countdown:
Chemo sessions done for now - yay!
Radiation sessions: 28 down... 7 to go!

More prayers please! 

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
Scenes from my life flashed across the sky,
In each, I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints;
other times there was only one.

During the lowest times of my life
I could see only one set of footprints,
so I said, "Lord, you promised me,
that you would walk with me always.
Why, when I have needed you most would you leave me?"

The Lord replied, "My precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
The times when you have seen only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

"Guess what I found," Edison told me a couple of months ago. To say that May 2017 was a stressful time is an understatement: Edison's cancer diagnosis had just been confirmed; I was wrapping up my first year of teaching; Edward was studying for his Freshman finals; Alison was preparing for her 8th Grade graduation; and we were at the final stages of our move to Tracy.

"What?" I asked curiously.

Edison then showed me a worn out business card-sized copy of "Footprints in the Sand." I had given it to him almost two decades ago when we were still dating. "It's my favorite," he said.

"Oh, wow!" I half-whispered in astonishment, as I examined the card. "Yeah, it's one of my favorites too."  

Fast forward to today... who would have thought that Edison finding the beautiful poem was merely a gentle reminder for what was ahead of us then? 

First of all, praise and thanksgiving be to God that we pulled off our cruise to Mexico! It served as the anchor by which we were able to escape the craze of May/early June and the struggle of Edison's treatment ahead, even for but a brief moment in time.

 

On the first day of his treatment, Edison's optimism was at its all-time high! 

Screenshot of Edison's Facebook post; he got tons of well wishes!

Two days later, we were propelled into the horrors of the treatment phase of our journey! Edison got a feeding tube in his stomach, an outpatient procedure that added two weeks to him needing assistance in making sure it doesn't get infected. (We were just about to finish making sure that his port placement was infection-free!) After 7 sessions of radiation, the insides of Edison's cheeks developed sores, which made it very painful for him to even put food in his mouth. We started using his feeding tube 4 weeks earlier than anticipated!

I expressed my concern to the radiation oncologist. He said he wasn't surprised that Edison couldn't eat and swallow only after the second week of treatment. He said that Edison was thin to begin with, and didn't have any fat in his neck to take the radiation, so it went straight to the his mouth and throat. The doctor looked at the back of his throat and said it looked like a bad sun burn! 

However, while we were already using the feeding tube, Edison still needed to practice swallowing, lest he lose muscle function. Watching him wince in pain as he swallowed water or Ensure was always tough for me to watch. Fatigue had also become permanent. He once described it to me: "You know when you're so tired by the end of a work day? Then you sleep it off, you wake up, and you feel better? For me, even after I sleep it off, I wake up and I still feel the same."  My heart bled for him. I couldn't imagine feeling so trapped in your own body like that!

By the third week, he expressed feeling the "lowest of the low," battling a cold that aggravated the radiation side effects even more. I tried to set up a routine for him, to make sure that he didn't spend a lot of time just lying down, adding to his depressed state. 

A typical day for Edison on non-chemo days: We pray first thing in the morning, and then I give him anti-nausea and pain medication. I let him go back to sleep, so that after an hour, the meds will have kicked in and he is ready to start his day: magic mouth wash (prescribed by his radiation oncologist) + Biotene mouth wash + Biotene toothpaste, all to help with his dry mouth; family meditation in our backyard; first feeding (two 250 mL casein-soy protein blend); morning walk; and jaw exercises. At noon, we have the second feeding of the day, shower, oral care routine, then off to radiation in Modesto. We spend time with Edward and Alison after radiation: afternoon walks, board games, movies, tv shows, etc. The following: feeding, oral care routine, and jaw exercises - is done two more times, once in the late afternoon and finally late at night. In between all this, Edison would take naps, watch his favorite tv shows, correspond with friends, and keep phone appointments with doctors. On Fridays, a Eucharistic Minister from our new parish comes to our home and gives him Communion. 

I think dark days exist so that even the slightest hint of light could give us a glimmer of hope... a ray of light would be considered a miracle! As our friends' wedding approached, prayers for Edison's strength and stamina were a tall order. But alas, from Thursday's (7/6) wedding rehearsal, all the way to Edison's dance numbers on Saturday's (7/8) wedding, his strength and stamina held up! It was nothing short of a miracle!

Edison's Treatment Countdown as of today:

Chemotherapy - 4 DOWN... 2 to go!

Radiation - 16 DOWN... 19 to go!

I look at the "16 days down" for radiation, and I feel that there have definitely been more bad days than good. "Footprints in the Sand" has never felt more real! I honestly do not know how we get through each day... and then I am reminded of this beautiful poem and I think, "Jesus! Of course it's Jesus who's carrying us right now! There is no other explanation..."

To those of you who have continued to pray for us, cheer us up, visit us, bring us healthy food, and keep us company in this journey, may the picture I've painted through this blog update show you why I appreciate all that you do for our family! Edison and I will forever be grateful for the love that you've shown us during such a trying time for us. Jesus has been carrying us through you! #TeamThrive

1 DOWN...

During the chemotherapy class that Edison and I attended last month, the oncology nurse-presentor shared with us the oncology team's goal:

"To deliver state-of-the-art cancer care to our patients with compassion, caring, and safety"

So far, so good!

Edison's first chemotherapy session yesterday went as smoothly as it could. The oncology nurse was indeed compassionate and caring. She was experienced and knowledgeable, and thus Edison felt safe under her care.

First hour: Oral premeds for anti-nausea and stamina were given, along with an IV of magnesium to replace electrolytes that Edison would lose due to chemo.

Second hour: Chemo via IV

Final hour: IV of saline for hydration - apparently, his particular chemo is harsh on the kidneys, so this final hour helps flush the toxins out.

We then headed off to Edison's radiation appointment, which we were told was the final fitting and treatment simulation. We learned today that he had actually already received his first radiation treatment yesterday after the simulation.

So our countdown as of yesterday:

Chemotherapy - 1 DOWN... 5 to go!

Radiation - 1 DOWN... 34 to go!

We are so blessed to have [Edison's older brother] Kuya Edsel's love and devotion! Right off the bat, he had stepped up to the plate and told us he would drive us to and from all of Edison's chemotherapy sessions. Thank you, Kuya! Just to not have to think about driving during such a stressful time is a blessing in itself, but Edison and I are truly grateful for everything else that you do for us... and we thank [sister-in-law] Sissy/Apple for supporting Kuya in all this!

We are also moved by the outpouring of well wishers as Edison shared his journey to the Facebook world - thank you all so much! #TeamThrive has multiplied! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we enter the treatment phase of our journey.

"When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalm 94:19)

What Cancer Cannot Do

Sharing with you this beautiful poem that I read at the reception area of our radiation oncologist. As we continued to live our life as normally as possible after Edison's cancer diagnosis, we basically lived the poem's essence! 

"WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO"

Author Unknown

It cannot cripple love.

Kuya Edsel's Birthday Celebration (San Jose)

It cannot shatter hope.

 Happy Easter! (Tracy)

It cannot corrode faith.

Amara's Birthday Celebration (Daly City)

It cannot suppress memories.

Belle's Mother's Day Treat (Daly City)

It cannot silence courage.

14th Wedding Anniversary/Mother's Day Celebration (San Francisco)

It cannot kill friendship.

John's Bachelor Party Weekend (Las Vegas)

 

Karen's Birthday GNO (San Francisco)

It cannot steal eternal life.

Godson Gabe's Christening (American Canyon)

It cannot conquer the spirit.

 Alison's 8th Grade Graduation (Colma)

It cannot destroy peace.

Ma & Daddy's Surprise Retirement Party (Vallejo)

It cannot invade the soul.

Today's Port Placement (Modesto)

Thank you for your continued support and prayers! #TeamThrive

"For with God, nothing shall be impossible." (Luke 1:37)

Strength In Christ and In Numbers

We were waiting to be called for Edison's radiology oncologist appointment last Thursday and it was taking longer than expected. Having mastered the art of "making margaritas when life's given us limes," I thought about interviewing Edison while waiting at the reception area. I told him that I want the blog to have more of his voice.  

Audrey: Name the top three emotions that you're feeling right now.

Edison: Anxious... concerned... hopeful!

A: I'm glad you're hopeful! I know this hasn't been the best of times, but what is the best thing that's happened since you were diagnosed with cancer?

E: The positive thoughts from the support group [#TeamThrive].

A: Yes, we've been blessed with amazing support. Any words of advice for us who will continue supporting you in this journey?

E: If I am quiet, it doesn't mean that I don't appreciate the support. You don't have to worry that I'm holding my feelings in. Sometimes, the support just gets so overwhelming; I just need a break. Sometimes, I just want to process things myself.

A: Let's dream! After all this is over, what are the top three things you want to cross off your bucket list?

E: Travel more - Paris! Try more restaurants - House of Prime Rib and more sushi places! And probably be more open to talk about my emotions and be ok to ask for help. You know me, I like to do it all. Now I know it's ok to ask for help.

A: I notice that you always play [Starship's] "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now" every time we drive to your medical appointments in Modesto. Kuma-KathNiel tayo? (laughs) [Channeling Kathryn Bernardo and Daniel Padilla, Philippine cinema's current #1 love team]

E: I didn't even notice that I was doing that.

A: Yes, you do. So I was wondering what that's about...

E: I've always liked that song in general. But now it's like our song during this time of our life... because you know, "nothing's gonna stop us." (smiles) But another song that I like listening to now is [Sara Bareilles'] "Brave."

A: Any message to those who are praying for you?

E: I'm truly blessed. Like what you said [on the last blog], I knew people loved me but I didn't know it was this much. I don't think they realize that their messages are what keep me going.

A: What are the best lessons from this experience so far?

E: Not to take anything for granted. Every memory has flashed in my head. Life is short. We don't know what tomorrow brings. Whenever I see cancer foundation commercials on TV, I now see it from their [cancer patients'] perspective. I probably don't have it as bad as some of them, but I now know how they feel. Before, I always just hear the words, "Live life to the fullest" or "Live each day as though it were the last." Now I know they actually mean something.

 

Audrey: Speaking of life and time, I made a mistake on the last blog. We've been together 19 years altogether - not 18! Time flies when you're having fun, huh?

And in true Edison fashion, he just smiled thoughtfully... It's funny how it's been 19 years and I can still feel butterflies in my stomach when he does that! (Cue: Intro to "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now") 😍😄

We felt hopeful after the meeting. We headed to the chemotherapy class next, which gave us more gear (information) for the upcoming battle. We realize that we all have a cross to bear. Edison and I are just so blessed that we never had to carry ours alone. There truly is "strength in numbers" with you, our prayer brigade, who's been there with us right from the beginning! Above all, we have Christ who strengthens us all. Thank You, Lord, for the gifts of faith, family, and friends! #TeamThrive

Love on HD

Last Friday, we went to Edison's first meeting with the oncologist, who essentially will be the team captain during the treatment phase of our journey. She assured us that Edison's cancer is treatable and curable with 70% success rate of it never coming back. His treatment plan is as follows:

* Six weeks of chemotherapy (on Mondays) and radiation (M-F)

* Four weeks of rest from treatment

* Three rounds of: M-Th chemotherapy and 3 weeks of rest

While Edison's treatment does not commence until next month, there are quite a few items that we need to check off to prepare him for treatment:

* Meeting with the radiation oncologist

* Chemotherapy class

* Radiation planning/measurement appointment

* Port placement (outpatient procedure)

* Meeting with the nutritionist

We asked tough questions about leave of absence from work, short and long-term side effects, support services, our cancer care team, etc. Overall, we were pleased by the oncologist's calm, patient, and straightforward responses. Edison felt better knowing that a game plan has been set, and I felt proud at how courageous my husband has been facing all this!

He's healed well from the outpatient surgery that he's had the prior week. Besides a couple bouts of nosebleeds in the morning, there has been no problem in caring for him after the surgery. Just as a nurse would, I asked him to rate his nose and throat pain from a scale of 0 to 10 - 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain he's ever felt in his life. It has always been manageable at 3 or below.

It's funny how scales are so relative. Today, Edison and I celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary; we've been together for 18 years altogether! Just before he was diagnosed with cancer, I never thought I could ever love him more than I already did: in a scale of 1 to 10, my love for him then was definitely a 10... with neon lights! After the cancer diagnosis, however, I felt a renewed sense of devotion to him: there is no limit to what I'll endure for this man. And if I've known 18 years ago what I know now, I would have still gladly accepted him in my life. All our challenges through the years have just made our celebrations all the more sweet and special!

All of this renewed euphoria doesn't end between us though. Even among family and friends, we've always known we were loved... but after sharing with you this journey of ours, we now feel how much more love you are actually willing to give us through your loving thoughts, fervent prayers, touching gifts, mighty hugs, enthusiastic happy hour invitations (yeah!), and incredible service offers, most of all! It's seriously been like a festival of love languages, and it's as if we're witnessing all of it in HD! What a glorious display of God's love in our life!

Thank You, God... and thank you all... we are truly humbled by all the love and support!

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Corinthians 13:7-8)

#TeamThrive

#TeamThrive

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for you to thrive and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"(Jeremiah 29:11)

On Easter Monday, I went with Edison to his appointment with his primary care physician. We tried to get a referral to an oncologist. After having a quick conference call with the head & neck specialist, the primary care physician informed us of the protocol that they are adhering to: before sending us to an oncology team, they wanted to do all the tests first (MRI and PET scan), which were scheduled the following week. Edison's doctor reassured us that cancer doesn't "grow" overnight, and that we are doing fine schedule-wise.

In the meantime, Edison was instructed to keep everything as normal as possible: keep his work routine, work out regularly, and eat healthy. He was encouraged to eat lots of fruit and vegetables, and limit fried and sugary foods and drinks. The doctor also emphasized that Edison needed to stay positive, and to particularly stay away from any stressful and depressing thoughts.

All of these: eating healthy, working out, and staying positive - are needed to keep Edison's immune system as healthy as possible until we get to the treatment phase!

Edison and I have been overwhelmed by all the love and support that have come our way since we asked for you to join us in this journey. Our immediate family has provided us with healthy meals and drinks, and endless favors granted; our friends have provided us with opportunities for laughter and togetherness (insert margaritas here - heehee!); and all of you have given us so much of your time with your prayers and positive thoughts.

Your words of hope have comforted us as we went to his PET scan appointment in Stockton last Sunday. As we continued to rejoice in Christ's resurrection, we were overjoyed to learn from the head & neck specialist on Tuesday that Edison's cancer hasn't spread beyond the main cancer site and the tumor on his right neck. I never would have thought that I'd ever rejoice over a Stage II cancer diagnosis for Edison! But it was an answered prayer indeed that his cancer, while it still was cancer, had only been localized in two areas - praise God! The main cancer site, as suspected, is located at the back of his nose. Edison scheduled an outpatient procedure the following day for the head & neck specialist to take some culture sample.

Your words of encouragement and love have sustained us, as we spent a taxing Wednesday: in preparation for the procedure, Edison had to fast beginning at 7:00 am. We drove to Modesto in the early afternoon. He was checked-in and prepared for surgery by 3:00 pm; was rolled into the operating room by 5:15 pm; and was in recovery by 8:00 pm. Having my parents-in-law with me was a blessing. The three of us listened as the head & neck specialist confirmed that Edison indeed had (Stage II) nasopharyngeal carcinoma. She will forward all the information, including Edison's MRI that still needs to be taken tomorrow at 5:00 pm in Modesto, to the oncology team in Sacramento. By the time we picked up and fed my famished husband, and drove back to Daly City, it was already midnight!

Like a ton of bricks, it hit me that our fight hasn't even begun! And at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I will ask you once again to please keep us in your prayers always: for Edison's healing, for our family's strength, and for the unwavering faith that all of this is part of God's much bigger plans for Edison to thrive!

On behalf of our family, thank you for being part of Edison's #TeamThrive! Cheers!

"When life gives you limes, make margaritas!" :)